Saturday, July 23, 2011

~~My Daily Walk~~

Daylight comes daylight goes
Another day is gone.
Why must I feel the same today
Why must I hang on?

Shadows lurking all around  
Who is it I so fear?
Do I run or do I stay
Is someone really here?

I look right I look left
I contemplate on hiding
Do I have time to scream
Cause I'm so tired of crying.

Crying deep inside myself
Crying when no one sees.
Crying cause myself I don't know
Crying cause I'm just not me.

The truth no one can handle
The world doesn't understand.
The mind games we must endure
They just can't comprehend.

But I continue walking on
And tomorrow I'll begin again.
Because I refuse to give up
I refuse to let my demons win.

I have several friends that for many different reasons are all dealing with mental problems. I wrote this poem many years ago and just wanted to post it. Most people have dealt with some form of depression, sadness or severe stress sometime in their life. It leaves you breathless and unable to move forward. I posted this because even though things can get real bad you have to refuse to give up and refuse to let this be your end. Life is so much more than how we feel we are defined at times. 

Life is good but there is nothing wrong with wanting it to be better!!!!!!!!

...........Until Tomorrow....................................................................

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

000 Cardboard & Duct tape 000

Who needs a "Handyman" when you have a mother like mine. I'd like to introduce to you all Mrs Cardboard & Duct tape Queen!! My mother knows every in and out to fixing something if it happens to fall apart. Well of course when money is tight I understand things either go broken or you learn to compromise on the actual look of the repair; but cardboard? duct tape? Yes indeedy my mother should have bought stock in those two items 30 years ago because she has definitely been one to soar that stock market. I'm impressed each time I watch this lady work on a repair, her details, her measurements her precise laying of the duct tape at an angle. Sounds crazy but you ought to see it.

Heres an example of one of her projects:
I remember discussing an issue with my mother about the kids playing with play dough. Now I'm a mother all for kids developmental learning activities and play but I'm also a mother that wants to clean up the mess once my child is finished. So I was telling my mother I wanted to buy a play mate for when my kids want to play paint or play dough, as I was visiting with her one day with the kids. Well Ohhhh Myyyy was that the wrong thing to say cause out of one of the 30 tubs of yard sale goodies, freebies and items people have given her or she had purchased she exclaims "I've got just the thing". She pulls out sticky wall paper, her infamous cardboard and duct tape. All the while I'm sitting here thinking "Seriously mom, seriously". First she fights with this large refrigerator box (looking at though shes a fighter for the WCW) cutting out the perfect size for the mat. She then measures the sticky wall paper to fit perfectly over this cardboard and flips it over duct taping the excess to the back for a better hold. All in about 30 minutes she has this perfect play activity mat for the kids and says "Waaallllaaa!!" I had to agree it was pretty cool. But theres more to this addiction of these two products for Mrs Queen herself. Because throughout my 30 years I've watched my mother fix windows, floors, shoes, a leaky faucet, clothes and many many other items. Never mention to my mother that something is broke because she will find a way to fix it with cardboard and duct tape. I did however call my mother one day and say "Hey mom, I have a flat tire." haha There was no reply.....

My mother is a lady of great stories, wonderful writings and a gift of making others feel better with just a listening ear and perfect words of wisdom. A woman that has conquered heartache and successfully provided a loving environment for her kids to grow up in. There is nothing in this world that my mother would not try to fix if I asked her too; even if it meant without her prized cardboard and duct tape.

                    ......Until Tomorrow........................


\\\\To Love////

Love. I once wrote a poem that had a line in it that said:

"Love is like a gold nuggest sparkling beneath the soil; gently you remove the dirt from its surface and eternally help it to mature"

Love is just as I describe, its a transformation of a livetime if you find true love. You have to work with your partner and remove all baggage and hurt that one or the other may be carrying; but gently. Its such a wonderful feeling to be wrapped in the warmth of love, caring, understanding and honesty. My life has had many ups and downs yet here I am still pushing forward. Have I ever given up on life, well of course. Given up on love? Yes indeedy I have. I've given up on just about everything besides my kids because without me they have no mom; without them I'd die.

I read many articles on love, I read many blogs on love and several books. The television broadcasts shows about love, movies make millions a year about love stories but each of us view love in a different way. Hey we all would love to have that fairy tale life where a man/woman appears out of nowhere sweeps you off your feet and you live happily ever after but that doesnt happen to us all.

I myself have figured out that love needs action. Love cant stand alone; its the "Honey Im glad your home", "Let me help you with that", the cold footsies under the covers, the small peck of a kiss on the cheek, the helping put dishes away after supper, the remembering we were out of milk so you bought it on the way home from work. The littlest of ways to show someone you care means so much and expresses love. The hightlight of my day is: First, I pick up my youngest son and get hugs and kisses. Second, I arrive home and receive a hug and kiss from my oldest son (sometimes it kills him but I get one..haha), Third, my boyfriend arrives home and I greet him at the door with a hug and kiss. My day is complete. The bills may lay unpaid at times, the cabinets may not be as stocked with food and I may not live in a showcase decorated home but I have so much more; Love.

My life was not embraced with the best of things. We usually had most of what we needed but very seldom did we get our wants. Our lives were enriched with playing in the dirt, running back and forth down hillsides smelling of freshly cut grass, swimming in ponds (no telling what was in them), coloring on sidewalks with crayons, catching grasshoppers and having jump races and snuggling up on the couch with my mom to sing ABC's. But I smiled, I laughed, I giggled, I made memories and I loved and knew I was loved.

So in teaching my boys the same concept of life that their grandmother (my mom) taught me I instill in them the love between family. The closeness, the bond that should link you together as one unit. I have been fortunate enough to give to my boys a lil more than my mother was capable of giving to me. But at the end of the day my boys never go to bed without a kiss, and an I love you.

"Dont let love pass you by"

                                                                                     .....................Until Tomorrow........

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

(((((Blog Title Change)))))

Why the change?
Well I like to end every post with Until Tomorrow. Here's the story behind the phrase. I've always hated saying bye. I mean come on, if you put too much thought behind it (like I do) then no one would really enjoy saying it. So that is where my phrase Until Tomorrow began. And yes maybe tomorrow will not come but I'm not one who wants to say goodbye in general, so Until Tomorrow just fits who I am and what I believe.
My thoughts never cease, my brain doesn't sleep; its like a constant movie projector throwing stories, sayings, phrases and quotes at me nonstop. So Until Tomorrow just fits who I am and describes my life.
As if you were to say "I may have to go now but just Until Tomorrow." Which if you think about it it's kinda funny because tomorrow never comes; because in an instant tomorrow becomes today all over again. Funny how two little words can bring on such a big meaning. 
I was just talking to my mom on the phone. Actually updating her on the blog and the -all of a sudden- feeling I had to change our blog name and she gave a big "Ohhhhhhh" which I knew meant she approved.
"What a Life" is where it all started and "Until Tomorrow" is what its all about. Tomorrow gives to us endless possibilities to choose from. We all come from different backgrounds, maybe childhood struggles or learning disabilities the list is endless. Yet we each need to take ahold of our own life, find self gratification and move forward to achieving what we know we can.

..........Until Tomorrow.......